Irreversible

Last night I got up (habit now) at about 2:30 am and waited to hear my daughter scream for food. Funny enough, I wished I could just go back to sleep, but my mind was racing, so it looks like I had one of those early morning, exhausted epiphanies.
I realized that since I had my daughter my life has changed. Completely, to the core and irreversible. And no, I am not talking about how your body changes from caring around another person inside of you (still can't wrap my head around that one, even after I went thru it). I am talking about the fact that my life is not my own anymore, my time is not my time anymore. My priorities are changed. And for someone who thrives on order bordering on OCD, it's a hard change. I love being a mom, I would not traded for anything, but the fact that I have to plan my life in 4 hours intervals so I can make sure that C eats enough, it's a hard adjustment. Picking up and going, is not an life option for us anymore. Everything takes thinking and planning! And don't even get me started on the packing for a short trip. Though I keep it to a minimum, it still amazes me the sheer amount of clothing that needs to be packed for a 4 months old baby!
I don't regret for a minute the transition to motherhood. I think it has been good for me. I am still working on learning that I do not need to be supermom (nor can I really be that), I am learning that it's ok to ask for help (always a hard one for me) and to be ok with not having everything perfect (aka, vacuuming every day...). The last 4 months had been a learning process for me, and I know it will continue in the years to come.