Ok, so I am having issues... It seams like my days are a haze of feeding, changing diapers, and sleep deprivation (that is the big one!). Not that i am complaining (ok, maybe just a little). I love C, we wanted her, we tried hard for her! I am thrilled to be a mom! (except when the hormones get the best of me and I loose it!) But I am also trying to figure out how to be more than just the milk maid. I am still trying to figure out who I am now that life has changed. Much as I love my daughter, I don't ever want to become one of those women that can only talk to other people about their kids! (it works for some people, don't get me wrong, it's not a bad comment directed at any one!). So I am still reading and watching TV and trying to find interesting thing to occupy my mind. I am trying to be me and then some! I will let you know when I find a happy medium and how did I get there!
Now I have to run! The guy is coming to measure our windows to replace some of them!
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Monday, July 7, 2008
A little bit intimidating!
Today is the first day alone with C. After 2 weeks of being with us at the hospital and home, my husband A need it to go back to work! Still doing night shift feeding duty and waking up at 6am is not easy, but he is such a trooper! I can't tell you how much my respect for him grew the first time I saw him feeding and holding C!
Anyhow! I decided to grab on my little bit of courage and strengh and take the little one to the nearby park. My hope? That I will find some other moms going thru the same scary parts of motherhood, so we can exchange ideas and stories and have our kids play together (ok, that might come later since C is just being pushed around in her stroller!)
So, I went. To the park! And there were moms around! And while it felt intimidating to say hallo to complete strangers, I figure I could pull it off since I did not look out of place (remember, I am pushing C in her stroller!). I had hopes for this outing! The sad part? Well, none of the women seamed remotely receptive to being friendly! Ok, I was not expecting any warm hugs (I might be hormonal, but I still have my brain!), but I was at least hoping for small talk. Like, how old is she? Or what's her name? Or whatever! And I got nada! Zip! Nilch!
Am I a little down about it? You bet I am! But I am determined to try some more! One of A's cousins by marriage suggested this mom's club international. So I sent the local Attleboro group an email! I will keep you posted on how that one goes!
Later!
Anyhow! I decided to grab on my little bit of courage and strengh and take the little one to the nearby park. My hope? That I will find some other moms going thru the same scary parts of motherhood, so we can exchange ideas and stories and have our kids play together (ok, that might come later since C is just being pushed around in her stroller!)
So, I went. To the park! And there were moms around! And while it felt intimidating to say hallo to complete strangers, I figure I could pull it off since I did not look out of place (remember, I am pushing C in her stroller!). I had hopes for this outing! The sad part? Well, none of the women seamed remotely receptive to being friendly! Ok, I was not expecting any warm hugs (I might be hormonal, but I still have my brain!), but I was at least hoping for small talk. Like, how old is she? Or what's her name? Or whatever! And I got nada! Zip! Nilch!
Am I a little down about it? You bet I am! But I am determined to try some more! One of A's cousins by marriage suggested this mom's club international. So I sent the local Attleboro group an email! I will keep you posted on how that one goes!
Later!
Thursday, July 3, 2008
She is finally here!
Ok, so I never got time to actually write last week when C came home after she was born, but I am writing today. Considering that I just gave birth less than 2 weeks ago, that's pretty impressive!
What can I say! There is not enough friends, relative, strangers stories that can prepare you for the birth of your first child (or second, or third, not that I can actually think of that now!). It's painful (thank goodness for modern medicine and drugs, otherwise I would have been in prison for killing the nurse and the doctor and all the other people around me!), scary, exciting, impossible to understand and wonderful in the same time. There is nothing like seeing your husband (or significant other) holding your child for the first time! There is nothing like holding your child for the first time either! (and they lied, the impossible pain is still there even when you are first holding them, but it does not really register anymore!)
After 4 days of hospital stay, we came home! It's a little intimidating at first knowing that there is no more red buttons to call the nurse when you do not know what to do! She is crying? Well, your are IT! Is it worth it? You bet it is! At the end of the day, when we put C to bed, all snuggled in and warm, and the crazy hormone surges subside (nobody said anything about feeling crazy either!), we both thank God for trusting us with her and making our wish a reality! I worry! Each and every single hour of the day! But at the end of the night, I know that she will be fine, she will grow up to be a happy, good nature kid, who is kind and gentle and witty and funny! Why? Because I will do everything I can and even more to raise her that way!
If this is a little too mumble jumble for you, cut me some slack! I really am sleep deprived!
Later!
What can I say! There is not enough friends, relative, strangers stories that can prepare you for the birth of your first child (or second, or third, not that I can actually think of that now!). It's painful (thank goodness for modern medicine and drugs, otherwise I would have been in prison for killing the nurse and the doctor and all the other people around me!), scary, exciting, impossible to understand and wonderful in the same time. There is nothing like seeing your husband (or significant other) holding your child for the first time! There is nothing like holding your child for the first time either! (and they lied, the impossible pain is still there even when you are first holding them, but it does not really register anymore!)
After 4 days of hospital stay, we came home! It's a little intimidating at first knowing that there is no more red buttons to call the nurse when you do not know what to do! She is crying? Well, your are IT! Is it worth it? You bet it is! At the end of the day, when we put C to bed, all snuggled in and warm, and the crazy hormone surges subside (nobody said anything about feeling crazy either!), we both thank God for trusting us with her and making our wish a reality! I worry! Each and every single hour of the day! But at the end of the night, I know that she will be fine, she will grow up to be a happy, good nature kid, who is kind and gentle and witty and funny! Why? Because I will do everything I can and even more to raise her that way!
If this is a little too mumble jumble for you, cut me some slack! I really am sleep deprived!
Later!
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