Ok, so I am having issues... It seams like my days are a haze of feeding, changing diapers, and sleep deprivation (that is the big one!). Not that i am complaining (ok, maybe just a little). I love C, we wanted her, we tried hard for her! I am thrilled to be a mom! (except when the hormones get the best of me and I loose it!) But I am also trying to figure out how to be more than just the milk maid. I am still trying to figure out who I am now that life has changed. Much as I love my daughter, I don't ever want to become one of those women that can only talk to other people about their kids! (it works for some people, don't get me wrong, it's not a bad comment directed at any one!). So I am still reading and watching TV and trying to find interesting thing to occupy my mind. I am trying to be me and then some! I will let you know when I find a happy medium and how did I get there!
Now I have to run! The guy is coming to measure our windows to replace some of them!
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Monday, July 7, 2008
A little bit intimidating!
Today is the first day alone with C. After 2 weeks of being with us at the hospital and home, my husband A need it to go back to work! Still doing night shift feeding duty and waking up at 6am is not easy, but he is such a trooper! I can't tell you how much my respect for him grew the first time I saw him feeding and holding C!
Anyhow! I decided to grab on my little bit of courage and strengh and take the little one to the nearby park. My hope? That I will find some other moms going thru the same scary parts of motherhood, so we can exchange ideas and stories and have our kids play together (ok, that might come later since C is just being pushed around in her stroller!)
So, I went. To the park! And there were moms around! And while it felt intimidating to say hallo to complete strangers, I figure I could pull it off since I did not look out of place (remember, I am pushing C in her stroller!). I had hopes for this outing! The sad part? Well, none of the women seamed remotely receptive to being friendly! Ok, I was not expecting any warm hugs (I might be hormonal, but I still have my brain!), but I was at least hoping for small talk. Like, how old is she? Or what's her name? Or whatever! And I got nada! Zip! Nilch!
Am I a little down about it? You bet I am! But I am determined to try some more! One of A's cousins by marriage suggested this mom's club international. So I sent the local Attleboro group an email! I will keep you posted on how that one goes!
Later!
Anyhow! I decided to grab on my little bit of courage and strengh and take the little one to the nearby park. My hope? That I will find some other moms going thru the same scary parts of motherhood, so we can exchange ideas and stories and have our kids play together (ok, that might come later since C is just being pushed around in her stroller!)
So, I went. To the park! And there were moms around! And while it felt intimidating to say hallo to complete strangers, I figure I could pull it off since I did not look out of place (remember, I am pushing C in her stroller!). I had hopes for this outing! The sad part? Well, none of the women seamed remotely receptive to being friendly! Ok, I was not expecting any warm hugs (I might be hormonal, but I still have my brain!), but I was at least hoping for small talk. Like, how old is she? Or what's her name? Or whatever! And I got nada! Zip! Nilch!
Am I a little down about it? You bet I am! But I am determined to try some more! One of A's cousins by marriage suggested this mom's club international. So I sent the local Attleboro group an email! I will keep you posted on how that one goes!
Later!
Thursday, July 3, 2008
She is finally here!
Ok, so I never got time to actually write last week when C came home after she was born, but I am writing today. Considering that I just gave birth less than 2 weeks ago, that's pretty impressive!
What can I say! There is not enough friends, relative, strangers stories that can prepare you for the birth of your first child (or second, or third, not that I can actually think of that now!). It's painful (thank goodness for modern medicine and drugs, otherwise I would have been in prison for killing the nurse and the doctor and all the other people around me!), scary, exciting, impossible to understand and wonderful in the same time. There is nothing like seeing your husband (or significant other) holding your child for the first time! There is nothing like holding your child for the first time either! (and they lied, the impossible pain is still there even when you are first holding them, but it does not really register anymore!)
After 4 days of hospital stay, we came home! It's a little intimidating at first knowing that there is no more red buttons to call the nurse when you do not know what to do! She is crying? Well, your are IT! Is it worth it? You bet it is! At the end of the day, when we put C to bed, all snuggled in and warm, and the crazy hormone surges subside (nobody said anything about feeling crazy either!), we both thank God for trusting us with her and making our wish a reality! I worry! Each and every single hour of the day! But at the end of the night, I know that she will be fine, she will grow up to be a happy, good nature kid, who is kind and gentle and witty and funny! Why? Because I will do everything I can and even more to raise her that way!
If this is a little too mumble jumble for you, cut me some slack! I really am sleep deprived!
Later!
What can I say! There is not enough friends, relative, strangers stories that can prepare you for the birth of your first child (or second, or third, not that I can actually think of that now!). It's painful (thank goodness for modern medicine and drugs, otherwise I would have been in prison for killing the nurse and the doctor and all the other people around me!), scary, exciting, impossible to understand and wonderful in the same time. There is nothing like seeing your husband (or significant other) holding your child for the first time! There is nothing like holding your child for the first time either! (and they lied, the impossible pain is still there even when you are first holding them, but it does not really register anymore!)
After 4 days of hospital stay, we came home! It's a little intimidating at first knowing that there is no more red buttons to call the nurse when you do not know what to do! She is crying? Well, your are IT! Is it worth it? You bet it is! At the end of the day, when we put C to bed, all snuggled in and warm, and the crazy hormone surges subside (nobody said anything about feeling crazy either!), we both thank God for trusting us with her and making our wish a reality! I worry! Each and every single hour of the day! But at the end of the night, I know that she will be fine, she will grow up to be a happy, good nature kid, who is kind and gentle and witty and funny! Why? Because I will do everything I can and even more to raise her that way!
If this is a little too mumble jumble for you, cut me some slack! I really am sleep deprived!
Later!
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Home stretch!
Well, at least I did not have to struggle too much to find some new activities to fill my days! Why? My mild pre-eclemsia is getting worse, so tonight we are going to the hospital to start inducing labor (the doctors will, I just come along for the ride!) I am scared to death (never did very well with events not planned long in advance), but excited none the less. Not only to see how our child will look like, or what type of personality she will have (I know that comes later, but you get the idea), but also to finally be able to get up from the couch without grunting and asking for help, to finally be able to walk and talk in the same time!
So, all of you get ready for phone calls from A on Monday. Keep your fingers crossed and everything else you might be able to cross!
So, all of you get ready for phone calls from A on Monday. Keep your fingers crossed and everything else you might be able to cross!
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Excited for the dentist appointment
Ok, even I know how sad and pathetic that sounds, but trust me after almost 3 weeks in bed rest, I would be excited if I would be allowed to walk to the corner store for milk! Tomorrow I get to drive (granted it's only 2 miles)and get out of the house! And I know what you think, that I should enjoy this time of peace now since the following 18 years after I give birth will be a non stop activity! But if you know me at all, you know that I hate to not do anything. Every night my husband A comes home from work and I get to tell him that I feel really useless! He keeps reminding me that growing the little beast is pretty important and that no one else could do it but me, and still I want to die each day! I read, I watch tv, I knit (making some progress with that scarf), and I make jewelry! But really could this fill any one's day for weeks at a time?
I know that in another month or 2 I will look back at this time and wish it back, but right now I am so bored with no being allowed to do anything I can't even tell you!!!
I am going to try and find some other activities to pass my time. And it's wicked hard to do so when your daily activities have to be limited to taking a shower and eating!
Later!
I know that in another month or 2 I will look back at this time and wish it back, but right now I am so bored with no being allowed to do anything I can't even tell you!!!
I am going to try and find some other activities to pass my time. And it's wicked hard to do so when your daily activities have to be limited to taking a shower and eating!
Later!
Monday, June 16, 2008
Still at home!
Each week it's a gamble, going to my doctor appointment. I am terrified each week that I will end up in the hospital again! (the last few appointments did not go that well, you never want to be in Boston alone with the doctor who tells you that you need to be admitted, and then have to call your husband who is in Providence and tell him to come and meet you at the hospital. Not only do you worry about the baby and your own condition, but now you have to worry about the husband driving down 93 in traffic, trying to get to Boston ASAP)!
So for the last few weeks of the pregnancy, I decided to make A my umbrella! Yeah, that might not make much sense, but let me explain. You know how it never rains during the days when you remember to bring your umbrella with you? Well, I am trying the same concept! Each Friday, A is working from home (such a blessing!) so he can come with me to the appointments. And guess what? This past Friday it worked! He came with me and I was fine and did not need to go to the hospital! (of course I know that me being fine is more a result of being in bed rest for the past 2 weeks, but none the less I should be allowed to choose whatever I want to believe!)
So I am hoping to keep playing this game each week! If I bring my umbrella with me, it will not rain! It never does!
So for the last few weeks of the pregnancy, I decided to make A my umbrella! Yeah, that might not make much sense, but let me explain. You know how it never rains during the days when you remember to bring your umbrella with you? Well, I am trying the same concept! Each Friday, A is working from home (such a blessing!) so he can come with me to the appointments. And guess what? This past Friday it worked! He came with me and I was fine and did not need to go to the hospital! (of course I know that me being fine is more a result of being in bed rest for the past 2 weeks, but none the less I should be allowed to choose whatever I want to believe!)
So I am hoping to keep playing this game each week! If I bring my umbrella with me, it will not rain! It never does!
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Some goals!
Since I talked so much about making lists and how that makes me feel better, here are some of the goals I have till the end of the year!
1. finish knitting my first scarf! That might not sound like a lot to some of you, but for someone who never really knitted before, it's a big deal. My friend K showed me how to do it couple of weeks ago and while my arms hurt after 6 rows, I am hooked. I am hoping to reach my goal since I have to be in bed rest until C comes
2. find a "mom's group" in Attleboro. I imagine life with a baby will be incredibly great, but insane at the same time. While I love our friends and their kids, they all live about 1 hour away from us. Not quite the closest trip for some adult time (no worries, I will still make the drive for some play dates!). So I decided to start looking at some local groups that C and I can go once she is born
3. re-start my etsy store. The past year has been such a crazy one, and I never really had the energy to invest some time in my etsy store. Now that I can't be doing much anyhow, I would like to start taking photos of my stuff and list them up (I should probably start by making some jewelry first, ha?)
4. host the second annual jewelry party. Maybe sometimes in September, in the back yard, with some fun food and kids running around (not C, since she will only be few months old by then). This one is a difficult one, just because it's always hard to find enough confidence to invite your friends to see and maybe buy things you made yourself. But I will give it a try, the overwhelming positive response from last year will give me the courage to do so
5. come up with a solid plan on how to make sure that A and I spend time together alone once C is born. I am hoping that between all the "adopted" aunts and uncles, grandparents and friends, we could find some sort of time! I am a firm believer that remembering to be a husband or a wife will help you be a better parent
Wish me luck, keep your fingers crossed and ask me how I am doing with reaching my goals!
Cheers!
1. finish knitting my first scarf! That might not sound like a lot to some of you, but for someone who never really knitted before, it's a big deal. My friend K showed me how to do it couple of weeks ago and while my arms hurt after 6 rows, I am hooked. I am hoping to reach my goal since I have to be in bed rest until C comes
2. find a "mom's group" in Attleboro. I imagine life with a baby will be incredibly great, but insane at the same time. While I love our friends and their kids, they all live about 1 hour away from us. Not quite the closest trip for some adult time (no worries, I will still make the drive for some play dates!). So I decided to start looking at some local groups that C and I can go once she is born
3. re-start my etsy store. The past year has been such a crazy one, and I never really had the energy to invest some time in my etsy store. Now that I can't be doing much anyhow, I would like to start taking photos of my stuff and list them up (I should probably start by making some jewelry first, ha?)
4. host the second annual jewelry party. Maybe sometimes in September, in the back yard, with some fun food and kids running around (not C, since she will only be few months old by then). This one is a difficult one, just because it's always hard to find enough confidence to invite your friends to see and maybe buy things you made yourself. But I will give it a try, the overwhelming positive response from last year will give me the courage to do so
5. come up with a solid plan on how to make sure that A and I spend time together alone once C is born. I am hoping that between all the "adopted" aunts and uncles, grandparents and friends, we could find some sort of time! I am a firm believer that remembering to be a husband or a wife will help you be a better parent
Wish me luck, keep your fingers crossed and ask me how I am doing with reaching my goals!
Cheers!
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